This city was filled with evil. Its residents waylaid, robbed and killed travelers. Another common evil among them was that men had sex with men instead of with women. This unnatural act later became known as sodomy (after the city of Sodom). It was practiced openly and unashamedly.

It was at the height of these crimes and sins that Allah revealed to Prophet Lut (PBUH) that he should summon the people to give up their indecent behavior, but they were so deeply sunk in their immoral habits that they were deaf to Lot's preaching. Swamped in their unnatural desires, they refused to listen, even when Lot warned them of Allah's punishment. Instead, they threatened to drive him out of the city if he kept on preaching.

Allah the Almighty revealed: The people of Lot (those dwelt in the towns of Sodom in Palestine) belied the Messengers when their brother Lot said to them: "Will you not fear Allah and obey Him? Verily! I am a trustworthy Messenger to you. SO fear Allah, keep your duty to Him, and obey me. No reward do I ask of you for it (my Message of Islamic Monotheism) my reward is only from the Lord of the Alamin (mankind, jinn and all that exists). Go you in unto the males of the Alamin (mankind), and leave those whom Allah has created for you to be your wives? Nay, you are a trespassing people!"

SO We saved him and his family, all except an old woman (this wife) among those who remained behind. (Ch 26:160-171 Quran)

The doings of Lot's people saddened his heart. Their unwholesome reputation spread throughout the land, while he struggled against them. As the years passed, he persisted in his mission but to no avail. No one responded to his call and believed except for the members of his family, and even in his household, not all the members believed. Lot's wife, like Noah's wife, a disbeliever.

Allah the Almighty declared: Allah set forth an example for those who disbelieve, the wife of Noah and the wife of Lot. They were under two of Our righteous slaves, but they both betrayed their (husbands, by rejecting their doctrines) so they (Noah & Lut) benefited them (their respective wives) not, against Allah, and it was said: "Enter the Fire along with those who enter!" (Ch 66:10 Quran)

If home is the place of comfort and rest, then Lut found none, for he was tormented both inside and outside his home. His life was continuous torture and he suffered greatly, but he remained patient and steadfast with his people. The years rolled by, and still not one believed in him. Instead, they belittled his message and mockingly challenged him: "Bring Allah's Torment upon us if you are one of the truthful!" (Ch 29:29 Quran).

Overwhelmed with despair, Lot prayed to Allah to grant him victory and destroy the corrupt. Therefore, the angels left Abraham (pbuh) and headed for Sodom the town of Lut (pbuh). They reached the walls of the town in the afternoon. The first person who caught sight of them was Lot's daughter, who was sitting beside the river, filling her jug with water. When she lifted her face and saw them, she was stunned that there could be men of such magnificent beauty on earth.

One of the tree men (angels) asked her: "O maiden, is there a place to rest?"

Remembering the character of her people she replied, "Stay here and do not enter until I inform my father and return." Leaving her jug by the river, she swiftly ran home.

"O father!" she cried. "You are wanted by young men at the town gate and I have never before seen the like of their faces!"

Lot felt distressed as he quickly ran to his guests. He asked them where they came from and where they were going.

They did not answer his questions. Instead they asked if he could host them. He started talking with them and impressed upon them the subject of his people's nature. Lot was filled with turmoil; he wanted to convince his guests without offending them, not to spend the night there, yet at the same time he wanted to extend to them the expected hospitality normally accorded to guests. In vain he tried to make them understand the perilous situation. At last, therefore, he requested them to wait until the night fell, for then no one would see them.

When darkness fell on the town, Lot escorted his guest to his home. No one was aware of their presence. However, as soon as Lot's wife saw them, she slipped out of the house quietly so that no one noticed her. Quickly, she ran to her people with the news and it spread to all the inhabitants like wildfire. The people rushed towards Lot quickly and excitedly. Lot was surprised by their discovery of his guests. and he wondered who could have informed them. The matter became clear, however, when he could not find his wife, anywhere, thus adding grief to his sorrow.

When Lot saw the mob approaching his house, he shut the door, but they kept on banging on it. He pleaded with them to leave the visitors alone and fear Allah's punishment. He urged them to seek sexual fulfillment with their wives, for that is what Allah had made lawful.

Lot's people waited until he had finished his short sermon, and then they roared with laughter. Blinded by passion, they broke down the door. Lot became very angry, but he stood powerless before these violent people. He was unable to prevent the abuse of his guests, but he firmly stood his ground and continued to plead with the mob.

At that terrible moment, he wished he had the power to push them away from his guests. Seeing him in a state of helplessness, and grief the guests said: "Do not be anxious or frightened, Lot for we are angels, and these people will not harm you."

On hearing this, the mob was terrified and fled from Lot's house, hurling threats at him as they left. The angels warned Prophet Lut (pbuh) to leave his house before sunrise, taking with him all his family except his wife.

Allah had decreed that the city of Sodom should perish. AN earthquake rocked the town. IT was as if a mighty power had lifted the entire city and flung it down in one jolt. A storm of stones rained on the city. Everyone and everything was destroyed, including Lot's wife.

Allah the Almighty recounted this story: And tell them about the guests (angels) of Abraham. When they entered unto him, and said: "Salaaman (peace)!" Abraham said: "Indeed! We are afraid of you."

Verily, by your life (O Muhammad), in their wild intoxication they were wandering blindly. So As Saliha (torment, awful cry etc) overtook them at the time of sunrise; and We turned (the towns of Sodom in Palestine) upside down and rained down on them stones of baked clay. Surely! In this are signs for those who see (or understand or learn the lessons from the Signs of Allah). And verily! They (the cities) are right on the highroad (from Mecca to Syria, i.e. the place where the Dead Sea is now). Surely! Therein is indeed a sign for the believers." (Ch 15:51-77 Quran)

Allah the Exalted also declared: So we saved him and his family, all, except an old woman (his wife) among those who remained behind. Then afterward We destroyed the others. We rained on them a rain of torment. How evil was the rain of those who had been warned. Verily, in this is indeed a sign yet most of them are not believers. Verily! Your Lord, He is indeed the All Mighty, the Most Merciful. (Ch 26:170-175 Quran)

The book was closed on the people of Lot (pbuh). Their towns and names have been erased from the face of the earth. Gone are they from memory. One book was closed of the books of corruption.

Lot (pbuh) proceeded towards Abraham (pbuh). HE visited him, and when he recounted the story of his people, he was surprised to learn that Abraham (pbuh) already knew. So Lut (pbuh) continued to invite people to Allah, as did Abraham (pbuh), the patient one who turned to Allah repentantly, and the two held firm to their mission.

Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence
Review

Rachel was a beautiful woman, though all that was visible was her face, constricted by her starched white habit. It was in the second grade and I was in love. This woman radiated goodness, a striking contrast to the nun I had as a teacher the previous year. Sr. Lauraine was a wicked, evil woman, or so it seemed at the time. I cannot imagine any six-year-old who would not be terrified of her. In the eighth grade, Sr. Virginia brought a vitality and life to science that has remained with me to this day. Still later in my education I would learn calculus from a brilliant old woman with a Ph.D. in mathematics who was also a nun, and two computer languages from a nun with a Ph.D. in computer science. A now dead aunt of mine was a nun and I have a sister whom I respect and admire a great deal who is a nun. I am an atheist. My life so far has been filled with nuns.

It was with great interest that I began reading "Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence". In this compilation of stories we are treated to everything from the sublime to the ridiculous - from individual searches for purpose and meaning through austerity and asceticism to young women in bridal gowns singing "Veni, Sponsa Christi (Come Spouse of Christ)" at their profession of final vows. This certainly is a queer world we learn about, including: flagellation, chapter of faults, Mother General, stigmata, etc. The stories, contributed by former and current nuns, are mainly reflections on life as a lesbian in the convent, what possessed them to join or remain and the circumstances of departure. The stories are all filled with emotion, much of it anger. Many of the accounts are similar which at times can be tedious.

Many of the women whose stories are presented joined the convent in order to escape a society in which they felt they did not belong. They preferred instead to live in a community comprised exclusively of women, even though ultimately this society was ruled by the patriarchal church. Most of these women entered with a high degree of idealism, living their lives as ascetics, eschewing worldly possessions. Many left the convent angry and in most cases left the church at the same time. Quite often, these women became involved in a deep feminist spirituality. On the other hand, some of the lesbian ex-nuns are still involved with various aspects of organized religion. Also, a few of the stories are from women who have chosen to remain nuns and try to effect change from within. Some of these nuns live on the "outside" with lovers.

Each year brings a decline in the number of women entering the convent. The current pope is doing nothing to solve the dilemma faced by women in the Catholic church today. In fact, he is attacking most of the gains made by women since Vatican II. Hopefully, young women racing the prospect of entering the convent will get a hold of a copy of "Lesbian Nuns: Breaking the Silence" before making that decision. As the title implies, the silence has been broken in more ways than one. This book is an important statement on the condition of women in the church. Unfortunately, as is too often the case, the people who need to read it most will never even hear of it.

• Gay History - Fake story
• Rape story - Fake story
• Nov 2002 - Royal Servant Raped in Cairo Embassy

Image: "Follow me and I'll show u omething bigger !"
- Prince Charles in Oman on yet another of his many visits to the Arab World.

We have decided to be extra cautious and edit out short sections - we apologize for any understandable annoyance this may cause.

NOVEMBER 2003: UPDATE - VALET GEORGE SMITH - THE VICTIM OF THE ALLEGED CAIRO EMBASSY RAPE - NOW SAYS HE SAW PRINCE CHARLES AND xxxxxxxxxx XXXXXX IN BED TOGETHER AS HE BROUGHT IN THE MORNING BREAKFAST.

George Smith is now derided as an alcoholic and mentally unstable for having brought allegations of male rape against xxxxxxxxxx and finally, after many years, making public what he says he saw one morning in the Palace. It is reminiscent of Gulag justice or indeed of the current "legal system" in Egypt.

Until now only a few members of the royal household knew how damaging his testimony could be for it shows not just why the Prince was so keen to protect xxxxxxxx from any fallout from the rape allegations but also why the Queen and the Prince finally stepped in to prevent the trial of former servant Paul Burrell.

This because George Smith's testimony was on a cassette formerly held by Princess Diana which had led police to raid Burrell's appartment. Police believed that Burrell had the tape. As for Princess Diana, she had loathed xxxxxx but the prince confessed he was .

The Prince's alleged relationship with xxxxxxxx may also explain why yyyyyyyyyy, a black woman, found it so difficult to complain about alleged racist abuse from xxxxxxxxx while she was working at xyz in 2001. xxxxx had allegedly called her a "nigger."

When yyyyyy went to xyz's personnel officer she was told that "there was no point complaining because xxxx was a favourite of the Prince." She resigned her post in March 2001.

**************************************

For details of the Cairo Embassy rape allegedly involving the rape of Falklands veteran and royal servant George Smith by vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv please see the article further down towards the bottom of this page.

***************************************

BRITISH MUSLIM THREATENED WITH RAPE IN CAIRO PRISON

Posted 18 November 2002

British muslim Reza Pankhurst [27] claims he has been tortured and threatened with rape in a Cairo prison, while awaiting trial on a charge of belonging to the Islamic Liberation Party.

He and two other British muslims were arrested in April. For the next six weeks neither Pankhurst nor his colleagues, Ian Nisbet [28] or Maajid Nawaz [24] had access to any legal representation. When they finally appeared in court late last month, all three claimed they had been victims of torture.

But considerable credence was given to their versions of forced confessions when the British newspaper The Times revealed today [ 18 November ] that Reza Pankhurst had managed to slip in the word lies into his signature on his "confession", signing with the name "Reza Pankliest."

According to the Times report Mr Pankhurst only signed the "confession" after

"three days of electric shocks, sleep deprivation and sexual threats."

and says he

"was beaten and given electric shocks and went into convulsions while lying handcuffed and blindfolded on a concrete floor in a Cairo prison."



AMNESTY SLAMS EGYPT YET AGAIN OVER TORTURE

Posted 14 November

In a damning report published yesterday, Amnesty has highlighted the plight of torture victims in Egypt. In a previous report last February Amnesty had condemned the Egyptian government for allowing "widespread and indiscriminate" torture. This time, the report was even more damaging, to the international credibility of Mubarak's regime.

In its' latest report [13 November AI Index: MDE 12/038/2002 ], it declares

"Everyone taken into detention in Egypt is at risk of torture" and goes on to add "Some torture victims are particularly vulnerable, including refugees and those detained because of their sexual orientation."

And it goes on to detail some of the implements used

"The most common methods of torture include electric shocks, beatings, whipping and suspension by wrists or ankles in a contorted position from a horizontal bar. Testimonies of torture victims refer to a variety of torture equipment such as electric devices, whips and the falaka instrument" where the victims feet are tied, usually to an upturned chair or other heavy object, before the soles of his feet are beaten.

The report acknowledges that women and children are frequently the victims of such torture and that the ocassional government investigations are limited to "non-political" crimes with police officers being offered virtual "open season" on "undesirable" political activists or other prisoners of conscience, such as those interned on account of their sexual orientation.



PRINCE CHARLES' xxxxxxxxx NAMED AS THE ALLEGED ASSAILLANT IN THE CAIRO GAY RAPE SCANDAL.

Posted 11 November 2002.

In a growing scandal surrounding the British Monarchy [ see "I Was A Victim of Gay Rape" article below ] the Italian Newspaper La Repubblica has named XXXX, Prince Charles' xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, as the man involved in the Cairo rape scandal.

In last Sunday's British tabloid The Mail on Sunday royal valet George Smith had claimed he was a victim of rape by XXXX [ who the paper hadn't directly named, though it did carry his name on the same pages with an unmistakable prominence both in the text and photograph captions ] while staying at the British Embassy in Cairo. Smith was one of five servants employed by Prince Charles during a trip to Egypt in 1995.

Turning ???? this , XXXX has worked with Prince Charles since he was just xxxx and is described by the Prince as the one person he ....... He has been trusted with .........................

The veracity of the claims made by George Smith, alleging that he was raped by XXXX in March 1995 while he was staying at the British Embassy in Cairo as valet to Prince Charles, have been brought into question due to what are said to be considerable discrepancies in his statement to the Mail on Sunday regarding what happened to him at the hand of his, as then, unnamed assaillant.

Meanwhile the British tabloids have embarked on a vigorous campaign of character assassination against XXXX, alleging that he has been guilty of zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, which might indicate they are preparing the ground for naming him as the alleged assaillant in tomorrow's papers.



ANTHROPOLOGIST THREATENED FOR QUOTING "GAY" LYRICS OF A SIWAN LOVE SONG.

Posted 11 November

A book on Siwa Oasis, published late last year, made new revelations about some of Siwa's more secretive social traditions.

And what were these revelations ? It was already known that same sex marriages in the small oasis city remained common until the middle of the twentieth century. Surrounded by hundreds of miles of desert, the isolated oasis had retained and even venerated homoerotic relationships between men. But on this subject, the author was noticeably reticent in a recent interview with The Cairo Times.

However, when the book was published last December, the 27 year old Siwan anthropoligist Fathi Milan, made atleast one implicit reference to these practices, quoting a "love song" which contained the lyrics "The poet, my boyfriend."

Although Oasis Siwa: From the Inside is written in English, its' contents have quickly became known across the Oasis. Most of the passages were intriguing but entirely inocuous references to the city's traditions and customs, but there were the occasional references, implicit or otherwise, to adultery, poverty and homosexuality.

Siwa's Sheikhs decided they could not allow such truths to receive the embarrassing endorsement of a Siwan anthropologist.

They put pressure on Milan and on his extended family relatives. They warned him that if he didn't withdraw the offending pieces they would remove all "protection" from him. In Siwa, as in seventh century Arabia or twentieth century Naples, the protection of one's tribe or extended family counts for everything in the virtual absence of an effective police force. Milan knew that these threats effectively meant that his land could be seized at any moment and that he himself could face physical assault or even murder.

Reluctantly, the author agreed to censor the sections regarding some of Siwa's historical "secrets" from the book. To speed up the process, a whitening eraser similar to Tippex was used to erase passages from those books still unsold. However, the sheikhs may find to their embarassment that these books attract a premium and that readers will try hard to read the deleted passages by holding the pages up close to a light.

But what an ugly situation when mafia style threats are used to rewrite history ! At GayEgypt.com we haven't been able to obtain a copy of Milan's orignal book. If you've got it, please please email us and we'll get back to you immediately. We want to know exactly what caused such panic among Siwa's elders.

Further details can be found in a 31st October 2002 article on the author and the controversy in the Cairo Times available on the internet at www.cairotimes.com



"I WAS VICTIM OF GAY RAPE IN THE BRITISH EMBASSY IN CAIRO" CLAIMS VALET TO BRITISH PRINCE CHARLES.

Posted 10 November

According to today's London Mail on Sunday royal valet George Smith claims he was a victim of male rape while staying at the British Embassy in Cairo. He was one of five servants employed by Prince Charles during a trip to Egypt in 1995.

"The Prince was staying in the British Embassy in Cairo," explained Smith, "and I would take his breakfast to his room, do his washing, a bit of ironing, make his bed and clean his bath."

According to what he told the paper, Prince Charles "was out all day and late into the night, attending engagements". With time to kill, Mr Smith had a drink with his alleged assaillant who suggested Smith might "get your head down" for a quick nap. No doubt it was too hot for an afternoon stroll outside and possibly Smith thought the Prince might not return until late and didn't want to appear tired.

"I went to bed and fell asleep," Smith told the journalist, "[but] the next minute I saw he was naked. He was trying to rape me.....in my bed in the British Embassy. I woke up with a start and for a while I just froze. I just came around and pushed him away. He had pulled my boxer shorts down to my knees. I was on my side with my boxer shorts down. I pulled them back up. I just pulled away and pushed my hand back to stop him."

According to Smith, no words were exchanged, though he did briefly curse his attacker. He then got dressed and went down stairs to pour himself a gin and tonic. After a short pause to regain his strength he forced himself back to continue his duties.

That evening Prince Charles hosted a dinner and afterwards visited the pyramids. Smith found it a relief to be out of the threatening confines of the embassy but was afraid of returning.

"I knew I had to go back to the embassy that night. I didn't know what to do, to be honest. I did not sleep much. I thought, "If he comes towards me I will smack him one. But he didn't say a word - not even good night. I didn't report it to anyone for the same reason as before. I was looking after my future, my two kids, my house. If I said anything there would have been holy uproar. I would have been on the streets. I would have had nothing."

In face of these very public allegations, a spokesman for St. James' Palace said the accusation had already been thoroughly investigated and was now closed.

"A member of the Royal Household was voluntarily interviewed by police in November 2001. During that interview, not only the allegations but also the events themselves were completely denied, with contemporary evidence provided in support of that denial,"

He concluded that the police, the Crown Prosecution Service and the Director of Public Prosecutions had all investigated the case, "and no prosecution was brought."

The law firm Kingsley Napley later released a statement on behalf of the unnamed alleged rapist, denying Smith's claims.

The gay rape accusation was first brought to the notice of the media during the trial of Princess Diana's former butler, Paul Burrell, who was acquitted on 1st November of stealing various intimate possessions from Kensington Palace after Queen Elizabeth revealed she knew he had taken the items for safekeeping. Diana was said to have kept a tape recording of the alleged rape victim talking about the incident, but at that time no names were revealed.



U.N. SLAMS EGYPT OVER ITS' CONTINUED PERSECUTION OF GAY MEN.

Posted 2 November 2002.

According to an Associated Press report Friday [1 Nov] the U.N. has expressed its annoyance that the Egyptian Government continues to ignore international criticism over its human rights record. According to AP -

"Egypt is being criticized for its handling of charges against suspected terrorists and homosexuals.

A United Nations panel said Friday that the government is breaching an international human rights treaty by using a very broad definition of terrorism in arrests and by imposing prison sentences on 23 homosexuals arrested at a party on a Nile riverboat last year.

The men convicted of debauchery for attending the party received sentences of one to five years in prison after a trial in an emergency court — which usually rules in cases of national security and terrorism."

We couldn't find any mention of the criticism on the site un.org/news and are seeking further details of the UN panel's statement.

Each day is a little life, 
with the past as past,

 I have nothing to say; 

nor the future as future. I live now, and will
verify all past as history in my own moments

• I throw my life away on the dream that won't come true.. Take my word for it- don't never let nobody make a movie of your life's story

  Philosophically... I definitely view life differently than other people that I've seen or met but at the same time I don’t really think I’m that much different than other people.     I simply try to listen to my conscious and that tells me the right thing to do. I enjoy work... I enjoy the feeling of doing a good job that I can be proud of.  I enjoy meeting new people and gaining wisdom from everything and everyone around me. Most of all I simply enjoy living life to its fullest.   "My favorite color is Blue"    "The element I am most attracted to is Earth- because it can take so much abuse from progress and yet it still supports life..." "I like both Day and Night, but prefer the Day-time most."   " I’m turned on by many of things, its kind of weird with me... I could be completely turned on by one thing one day, then the next, it is something totally different that attracts me."    " I enjoy readings especially political and biography books and once a while to a cinema."    I am who I am.  I'll take you in, but don't be disappointed when you couldn't reach that expectation you set, I don't open all the doors... You'll understand when you see me, and look through my eyes".

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Diary of a Gay Priest-Winner of the 'Best First-Person Column' award from the National Gay Writers Guild

Genre Magazine, July 1999
Archbishop Bruce J. Simpson

I was baptized a Roman Catholic at the age of 21, believing it to be the religion that answered my spiritual needs. My vocation has always been with me, discovering its meaning, took years to answer. It is hard to describe what a “vocation” or “calling” is to someone who has never experienced it. It is much like a gentle tug at one’s very soul. I never experienced burning bushes, or voices from heaven, or E-mail with a divine return address. God is Spirit and talks to our souls, which is the spirit within each of us. I found the harder I ignored this gentle tugging, the more persistent the calling became. All of my previous experience prior to this had been as a member of a USAF helicopter nuclear response team, and Security Specialist. So, to consider even starting down the road to Priesthood was an alien concept to me, for my dream had been to be a civilian Police Officer.

So, I continued to ignore the calling. In fact, I did become a Police Officer in the Reading Pennsylvania area, and started college majoring in the Liberal Arts. It was during this time that I met my life’s partner. He lived next to me in Reading, and on the way to work one day I spotted him, and said to myself, “That’s for me”. A couple months later, we were lovers and partners for life. We moved to New Hampshire, where I continued College and joined the local Police Department. It was in New Hampshire where I was baptized and became friends with several priests, all of whom were gay. After moving to Florida after a year, I entered the University of Central Florida and finished my degree, obtaining a B.A. in law. While we lived in Orlando, I became one of a handful of gay leaders in the community. I ran for a local office, unseated the incumbent, and helped deliver the gay vote to a candidate for County Sheriff. The field was crowded, 9 candidates in the primary election. The incumbent Sheriff was not gay friendly, and I was determined to help oust him from office. So, I made a deal with Lawson Lamar, who at the time was Chief Assistant State’s Attorney, and a candidate. I came out to Lamar and promised him the gay vote if when he became Sheriff, he would remove questions about being gay from the entrance requirements. Mr. Lamar won the election by a margin that showed that gay support was crucial to his victory, and Mr. Lamar lived up to his promise. He is now States Attorney for Orange County Florida.

Upon graduation, Jack and I moved to the D.C. suburbs, in Maryland. My feelings of a vocation never dimmed and in fact became even stronger. Still I resisted. I was appointed to the District Court of Maryland as a Commissioner, which is referred to as a magistrate in other jurisdictions. I left that job and re-entered police work, where the urge to enter the Priesthood became more than I could resist.

I had just been named police officer of the year, when I decided to enter the Seminary to commence studies for the priesthood. The most difficult thing about this process was leaving my partner Jack in order to go away to the Seminary. I applied, was accepted, and was sent to Mt. St. Mary’s Seminary in Emmittsburg, Maryland. We sold our house, paid off all the bills, and I released Jack from any commitment to me. I gave him his freedom to pursue another man, or to even move away if he desired. And so it began…
I still remember as clear as a bell my first week in the Seminary. I felt alone, missing my partner terribly. On top of this, I got assigned to a roommate who I didn’t particularly care for in some respects. Then the academics started. As I sat on the front porch of the Seminary trying to read the “Summa Theologica” by St. Thomas Aquinas, reading the same page over and over again, not understanding any of what I was reading, I began to wonder what I had done to myself, my life, and to my partner.

Prayer life at the “Mount” was very important, and was indeed a source of solace and comfort. We were strongly encouraged to be present for Morning Prayer, which began at 7 A.M. followed by breakfast and then classes. My saving grace in these early days was a Priest by the name of Fr. Anthony Manochio, the “House” Spiritual Director, who also became my personal Spiritual Director. He was one of the most pious, prayerful understanding men of God that I have ever known. He is now deceased and the world and the Mount are a sadder place for his absence. I confided from the very beginning in Fr. Manochio that I was gay, and that I had left a partner behind to enter the Mount. What impressed me the most, was that he was genuinely concerned about Jack as well as me. Later on, Jack would visit me at the Mount and come to know Fr. Manochio.

I drew strength from the daily prayer life which included Morning Prayer, Mass, evening prayer, and on Sunday nights, Night prayer, my favorite with the exception of Mass. On Sunday nights the “Divine Office” was chanted back and forth in the Chapel between the left and right sides of the pews. Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament would take place and one Seminarian was chosen to assist the Rector of the Seminary in the ceremony. I had the honor a couple of times, and was deeply moved to the very core of my being. I and many others would sometimes leave on a natural high, fully in touch with the spiritual part of our existence. The Rector of the Seminary, Msgr. McGiness became a good friend of mine that year. We would play handball together with Fr. Manochio and another Seminarian. During one of my brief bouts of “have I done the right thing”, Msgr. McGiness said to me, “Bruce, I would be very comfortable with you at my side praying me into heaven as I died”. I will never forget that conversation.

As for gay men, the Seminary was full of us. But at the mount, celibacy was practiced by a majority, including myself. That was also a most difficult thing to get use too. Surrounded by many gorgeous guys, many of who were gay, and not making any contact or sexual conversation with any of them. I got to the point I could have eaten the paint off the walls. I went from having regular sex with my partner for 10 years, to nothing. Shower time was the most difficult, and “custody of the eyes” was most difficult.

During this first year, we were required to go on a retreat in Northern New Jersey. We each had a one man cabin, we could not talk to each other, one day was bread and water, and there was all night exposition with a rotation of one guy per hour staying awake through the night with the Blessed Sacrament. It was in January, it had snowed and it was cold. I must say, this was one of the more challenging retreats I had ever been on. One of the strange things that happened was that every night at dinner, all of us would just start laughing. Someone would start, and then the rest of us would just join in, all laughing at nothing. We were told this usually happened.

We had nothing to do but pray, read the Divine Office, and think. One of the men that I was most attracted too, a short little blond guy was also on this retreat. My thoughts drifted to him from time to time, as we took walks together, but without talking. I think he knew but did not care that I was gay. For all I know, he could have been gay.

At the end of that Spring Semester, I was assigned to St. Matthew’s Cathedral in Washington D.C. where I lived and worked for the summer. I assisted the Archbishop of Washington; James Hickey at all major masses, as well as being in charge of the Sacristy. It was one morning during Morning Prayer, which was done by myself in the cathedral, that I had what I can only describe as a mystical experience. For what seemed like an hour, but in reality was only a few seconds, I felt that I had been transported back in time to an ancient Jewish temple. As I looked out into the Cathedral and up towards the cupola or ceiling, I saw what appeared to be smoke, and sensed a feeling of antiquity. I very much felt as if I was in an ancient Jewish Temple. The experience left me with goose bumps, and an extreme peacefulness, unlike I had ever felt before. This was my highlight of my stay at the Cathedral, where many other things were less then desirable. For example, the rector of the Cathedral would lock all the food supplied, i.e. refrigerators, storage closets etc., every night so that if a Priest was hungry, he could not get anything to eat in his own house. It was positively medieval. It was during this time period also, that I saw the high and powerful of the Roman Catholic Church, and became less and less impressed with the men who held the offices. The Vatican Secretary of State was the main celebrant at Mass one day. During the traditional handshake of peace, he would not give the shake to anyone below the rank of Cardinal. We lowly Seminarians that stood right behind him were totally ignored. One other event stands out in my memory from my time at the Cathedral. One day a woman came in, and said, “Father I need to speak with you”, to which I replied that I was only a Seminarian and not yet ordained. She said it did not matter. She looked haggard and kinda yearning. So, we sat down in the cathedral and she proceeded to tell me that she was a Lesbian, that her lover had just left her, and that she felt God was punishing her for being gay. She had stopped eating and drinking anything for three days. Well, I told her what was in my heart and mind about being a lesbian or gay man. I told her God did not care; He created gay people this way. I told her it was silly to blame God for her breakup anymore then to blame God for all the divorces that happen in the straight world. I told her that she was a good person, and that she needed to get something to eat, and drink at once, come back to the Cathedral and say a prayer of thanksgiving to God that she was who she was. Her face lit up, and a kind of peace descended upon her. She thanked me, hugged me, and left. I notice about an hour later she had come back and was in fact in prayer at the altar. It was not church policy that I repeated to her, for what I had told her would not have been said to her by a Priest reciting the party line. I spoke what I felt was in my very soul and heart and what I believe God wanted me to say to her. This was the awaking moment of my realization that the Church had to change its thoughts on gays and lesbians. I was determined to make a difference. Little did I know what was coming.

It was decided that I would be transferred from the Mount to Theological College at the Catholic University of America for the next year of studies. This was like going from a monastery to an undergrad house of studies, and where sex was more prevalent. Prayer life was almost non-existent on a formal basis, and we were more or less left on our own to maintain it. It was during this time that I continued to assist Archbishop Hickey at major liturgical events, to the point that I was invited to dinner in his private residence by members of his immediate Priest staff who I had become close friends with. This closeness made a subsequent event all the more painful.

During the yearly formal review and meeting with the Archbishop, I was asked why I had not married the girl that the press talked about my leaving when I went into the Seminary. The Archbishop had seen a couple of the newspaper stories on the “Cop of the year who enters the Seminary” that had been published after I first entered the Seminary. Being totally naïve and believing one should not lie to their Bishop, I told him that my love was a man, and not a woman. Then I heard some incredible lines come from the Archbishop’s lips. He said first, “Well, Bruce, I don’t know if I can ordain you now,” said while capping his pen. Hickey went on to tell me that he did not believe the concept and term of celibacy applied to gay men, because that denoted the lack of marital and sexual union between man and woman, and not two men. He was also concerned that I “would be in his rectories with his pastors”. I should have responded to that one with, “Have you seen your pastors lately?” But then he asked something to this day I feel was reprehensible. He asked me to allow my Spiritual Director at the Mount, and the Priest Psychiatrist, who cleared me for the Seminary, to drop their confidentiality bond with me, so that he could question them both. Needless to say I was stunned. I was suppose to go to dinner with him and the other Seminarians from Washington that night, but refused to go with him. He sent someone to check on me to see if I was all right. Later on, I found out that he had a Seminarian jump from the roof of the Seminary in Rome, when he was Rector there, over this same type of incident. I guess he didn’t want me to do a half gainer off the roof of Theological College. I had the feeling that the Archbishop had not the faintest idea of what sexuality and human love was all about. This man is now James Cardinal Hickey, having been rewarded by Rome for his loyalty and ultra-conservatism.

Even though the Archbishop said he would think about it till the end of next Semester, I decided that there was only one decision I could make. I resigned at the end of that Semester. In my letter of resignation, I told Hickey that I had given up everything but my dignity to enter the Seminary and study for Washington. I went on to say that I would not give that up now. I was broken hearted, totally devastated, and deeply depressed at having left the Seminary. The Church provides no transition assistance for those who leave, no help, nothing. So, I was unemployed in my early 30’s.

The best thing to happen however was my partner Jack had waited for me. He had not found another man, and in fact never dated once. Jack told me, “I knew you would be back to me one day as my lover again”. How right he was.

In the next few years I maintained a reduced prayer life, remained mildly depressed, and held such jobs as: Chief of Security for all High Rise Office buildings in downtown Houston Texas, Hotel Security Chief, Bodyguard to the Royal Family of Saudi Arabia, Commissioner of District Court again, and finally entered the Federal Government in 1988. Out of all the jobs that exist in Government, I ended up in collections as a GS-7 for the labor department, and rose to become Chief of Special Collections. In 1996, I transferred to the U.S. Department of the Treasury where I built and became chief of the Treasury Departments Debt Collection Section for non-tax debt. I retired on disability from the Government in March of 1998 due to back and knee problems.

But the vocation was still with me, and strong once again. God was not yet finished with me, nor had He given up on me. I once again became more depressed at both the vocation, and the seemingly lack of opportunity to fulfill it. Then, I discovered “Old Catholicism”, which was Catholic in Theology, and had broken away from Rome in 1889. I checked into it, and found it to be a very legitimate form of Catholicism, and one that did not have the hang-ups of Rome, not to mention voluntary celibacy. So, I applied to Bishop Fred Bower of one of the branches of Old Catholicism in New Hampshire, and after finishing a course of study, was ordained to the office of Deacon on December 9, 1996. I was ordained Priest on July 13, 1997 by Bishop Bower, and was awarded an STL for finishing my studies. It took 10 years from the time I left the Seminary for Rome, to be ordained a Deacon for a different Rite of Catholicism. My joy was almost overwhelming. But nothing compared to celebrating Mass for the first time as a Priest. To hold the host in my hands, and repeat the words, “Take this all of you and eat it, this is my body which will be given up for you”, was and still is indescribable. The first time I heard someone’s confession, and granted absolution for very grievous sins, and saw the relief and thankfullness to the Lord on the face of the person, I knew that being a conduit for God was what was meant for me. The Lord has given me certain gifts, which I try to use the best I can. One gift however that He chose not to give me, was the voice of song. I sing very little, much to the relief of the people.

Then in December of 1998, I was called to the Episcopacy by Bishop Dominic Biltcliffe and Bishop Fred Bower. I accepted and was consecrated a Bishop on January 30th, 1999. At my consecration, I announced that I was dedicating my Episcopacy to those who have been hurt by religion, and to the GLBT community. I make no bones about it. I believe to the very core of my being that God has set me on the path to minister to those who are the outcasts of the 20th century, just as Jesus ministered to those who were the outcasts of His day. If I had become a Roman Priest, I would have come into direct conflict with the leaders of the Roman Church, and probably resigned rather then perpetuate the oppression of gays and lesbians.

Let it never be said that the Western Rite Catholic Church or this Bishop ever turned their back on a person as unworthy of receiving the gifts of the Sacraments of the Church. I am a servant of God’s people just as all other Bishops, Priests, and Deacons. Since becoming Bishop, I have testified before the Maryland House Judiciary Committee for passage of anti-hate laws, and equal protection laws for the GLBT community. I encountered open hostility from one legislator who was also a Baptist Pastor. God was with me that day, as I was told later by people, that they have never seen someone be able to shut him up before. I now keep an eye open for social injustice towards gay people anywhere in the United States. As a successor to the Apostles, it is my duty to intervene and to teach where teaching is needed on the truth of the Gospel, and not the mis-translations that are used like a battle-ax to keep the gay community down and suffering. “For if God is with us, who can be against us?” My faith tells me that one-day, all of us in the gay community will find our true place among the churches of the land. This will be the start of acceptance from the public, as many use the Church as the reason to hate us, and kill us. Matthew Shepherd died because of one simple fact: He was a gay man, who the killers knew they could handle. May God have mercy upon their souls.

May the churches of acceptance and truth spread throughout the land, and may all of us find true peace in our spirituality with God. For we are never truly alone, even on those dark nights when some things seem hopeless, or we are just plain lonely, or are gravely ill. God is with us; He loves us; and He will be with us till the day we are called home to be with Him and our loved ones. So I say to my Brothers and Sisters, never let the religious right get you down, for they are in fact wrong. Jesus Christ died for ALL of us, for all faiths, colors, creeds, nationalities, genders, and yes, sexual orientation. May God grant you all peace, and keep you in the palm of His hand.

• Aku Curang
• Merogol Adik Awek
• Pakcik Ku
• Pengalaman Joe Mayor
• Nizam Zakaria

AKU DAN UNCLE

Uncle telefon aku supaya aku mengambilnya di airport. Aku pergi ke airport dengan menaiki motosikal. Ini kerana uncle beritahu yang dia tidak membawa apa-apa barang jadi dia suruh aku menjemputnyua dengan motosikal yang baru aku beli. Aku tiba di airport pukul 11.50 malam. Uncle sudah pun menunggu. Semasa dalam perjalanan balik tiba-tiba hujan turun dengan lebatnya. Tiada tempat berteduh untuk kami singgah. Lalu aku membawa motor perlahan-lahan. Aku ketika itu hanya memakai seluar track dan t shirt. Nasib baiklah aku pakai rain coat jadi badan aku tidak basah sangat dan yang basah cuma seluar.

Aku bertanya pada uncle apakah kita hendak berhenti dulu sehingga hujan teduh. Uncle jawab, "tidak usah berhenti kerana kalau berhenti nanti lagi sejuk sebab seluar dan baju dah basah". Lalu aku bawa motor terus dan uncle duduk rapat dengan badan aku jadi aku terasa sedikit hangat. Tangan uncle pula memeluk erat pinggangku.

Kenderaan tidak berapa banyak yang lalu cuma ada sebuah kereta dihadapanku. Tiba-tiba kereta tersebut break untuk masuk ke kanan. aku pun break mengejut. Badan uncle menjadi rapat kebadanku dan tangannya pulatiba-tiba berada di atas senjata sulitku. Setelah motor berjalan semula aku dapati tangan uncle masih berada di konekku. Aku jadi tak tentu arah sebab aku takut konekku akan bangun. Aku ketika itu tidak memakai underwear so lama kelamaan konekku mula membesar dan mengeras. Aku merasa malu ketika itu. Konek aku menjadi semakin besar dan keras. Aku tidak pasti sama ada uncle perasan atau tidak. Tapi yang pastinya aku dapat rasakan yang uncle mungkin sengaja tidak mengalihkan tangannya dari konekku. Aku juga dapat rasakan uncle juga sedang setim kerana aku dapat rasa konek uncle keras dan panas dibahagian punggungku.

Tiba-tiba uncle meramas konekku yang telah keras itu sambil bertanya kenapa konek aku menjadi keras. Aku dengan malu menjawab mungkin sejuk agaknya. Uncle lalu mengatakan kalau sejuk biar dia panaskan. lalu dengan itu uncle meramas-ramas batang aku yang sudah pastinya menjadi semakin keras. Uncle sempat berbisik mengatakan bahawa konekku besar. Uncle semakin berani kerana telah memasukkan tangannya kedalam seluarku dan telah memegang konekku. Sungguh nikmat aku rasakan ketika itu. Uncle lalu berkata padaku yang dia suka pada konekku yang besar, panjang dan keras. Nasib baik aku pakai rain coat jadi orang tidak perasan yang konek aku telah dikeluarkan oleh uncle dari dalam seluar. Uncle kini meramas-ramas dan mula melancapkan konekku. Aku merasa sungguh syok dan selang beberapa ketika aku telah memancutkan susu pekat dengan banyak dan telah meleleh diseluar. Terhoyong hayang juga motor yang aku bawa sebab kesedapan akibat pancutan yang banyak itu. Setelah beberapa ketika uncle telah memasukkan semula konek aku ke dalam seluar. Kami tiba di rumah beberapa minit kemudian.

Papa tiada di rumah jadi aku ajak uncle masuk. Aku menyuruh uncle mengganti pakaiannya yang basah lalu aku masuk ke bilik untuk mengambil tuala mandi. Bila aku keluar dari bilik aku dapati uncle sudahpun menanggalkan baju dan seluarnya dan tinggal hanya seluar dalam berwarna putih. Aku melihat bonjolan yang besar pada seluar uncle. Setelah memberikan tuala aku pun pergi ke bilik air untuk mandi sedikit air panas. Sedang aku mandi tiba-tiba uncle masuk.. Uncle tanya boleh dia join sama. Aku jawab boleh saja. Aku melihat uncle menanggalkan seluar dalamnya dan melenting keluarlah batang uncle yang keras itu. Melihatkan batang uncle yang keras itu membuatkan batang aku mula keras semula. Uncle tersenyum melihat konek aku yang terhenjut-henjut kerana sedang mula mengeras. uncle datang dekat lalu memengang konek aku yang kini sudah keras terpacak 90 darjah. Aku mengambil kesempatan memegang konek uncle yang sudahpun keras sejak dari tadi lagi.

Uncle lalu mengatakan pada ku bahawa apa yang berlaku ini jangan diberitahu kepada sesiapapun. Aku berjanji pada uncle yang aku tidak akan memberitahu sesiapa mengenai kejadian ini. Aku semakin seronok meramas-ramas konek uncle. Unclemengatakan pada aku yang dia suka pada konek aku yang besar dan panjang serta telur aku yang agak besar juga. Uncle bertanya pada aku berapa panjang konek aku. Aku menyuruh uncle mengukur sendiri. Setelah mengeringkan badan kamipun masuk ke dalam bilik. Uncle lalu mengambil tali pengukur dan mengukur konekku. Wow!!.. panjangnya jerit uncle. Nearly 7 inch jerit uncle lagi.

Tiba-tiba uncle telah mengambil konekku dan mula menjilat kepala konek yang kembang macam cendawan itu. Uncle menjilat-konek aku seperti menjilat ais krim. Aaaahhhh...... sedapnya aku rasa. Setelah menjilat-jilat konek serta telur aku uncle kini memasukan konek aku ke dalam mulutnya. Aku dapati penuh mulut uncle oleh kerana besarnya konek aku. Uncle mula mengolom dan menyonyot-nyonyot konek aku. Aku meras sungguh nikmat sekali kerana inilah kali pertama konek aku dikolom, dijilat dinyonyot oleh orang. Dan orang yang pertama melakukan itu adalah my uncle.

Oleh kerana terlalu syok tiba-tiba aku telah memancutkan susu pekatku ke dalam mulut uncle. Arrgggghhhhhh...... jeritku kelazatan. Beberapa pancutan yang pekat telah menerjah masuk dalam mulut uncle. Aku dapati uncle semakin kuat menghisap konek aku dan juncle juga telah menelan susu pekatku yang banyak itu. Uncle cuba untuk menelan semua susu pekat aku tapi oleh kerna banyak dan cepat pula susu tersebut keluar maka ada yang meleleh di pipi dan di dagu uncle. Aku merasa syok yang tak terhingga kerana uncle telah menghisap habis susu pekat aku. Tidak lama lepas aku memancutkan susu pekat ke dalam mulut uncle aku dapati uncle pula menjerit kecil arggghhhhh...... ooohhhh......dan serentak itu juga aku dapat rasakan yang uncle telah memancutkan susu panasnya dan telah kena pada kaki aku. Aku biarkan saja susu uncle meleleh di kaki ku kerana aku juga rasa syok biola melihat susu pekat uncle terpancut kelaur.

Setelah itu kamipun tidur berpelukan di atas katil. Uncle mengatakan pada ku yang dia suka pada ku dan akan cuba untuk memuaskan diriku sambil mencium bibir aku dan aku membalas ciuman uncle. Aku pun mengatakan yang aku juga menyukainya walaupun aku tahu uncle sudah berkahwin dan punyai anak dua.

Oleh kerana keletihan maka aku tidur dengan nyenyaknya. Pagi itu aku merasakan sesuatu yang hangat dan juga aku dapat rasakan satu keseronokan pada konek aku. Aku membuka mata dan melihat uncle sedang duduk mencangkung di atas konek aku. Kehangatan dan kesedapan yang tidak terhingga itu adalah kerana konek aku rupa-rupanya kini berada di dalam lubang uncle yang sempit dan panas itu. Aku seperti tidak percaya apa yang aku lihat. Uncle telah memasukkan konek aku yang besar dan keras itu ke dalam lubangnya. Aku dcuma mengerang kesedapan dan aku juga melihat uncle tersenyim padaku. Aku dapati uncle mula menggerakkan punggungnya ke atas dan ke bawah konekku. Aku mula memainkan peranan kerana bila uncle mula menggerakkan punggungnya ke bawah maka aku pun menyorongkan konek aku yang panjang dan besar itu ke dalam lubang sempit uncle. uncle juga mengerang kelazatan bila konek aku masuk habis dan terbenam dalam lubangnya yang hangat dan sempit itu. Konek aku masuk habis ke dalam lubang sempit uncle.

Uncle mula melakukan pergerakan menyorong dan menarik punggungnya dengan pantas dan ini membuatkan aku semakin syok yang teramat sangat. Semakin lama semakin cepat pergerakan uncle dan aku sudah mula merasakan air susu pekat aku hendak terpancut keluar.

"I'm coming...... cku jerit pada uncle..." Serentak itu juga uncle telah menghentakkan sedalam-dalamnya konek aku ke dalam lubangnya yang hangat dan sempit itu.

Uuuurrrrggggghhhh........ aku menjerit kecil sambil memancutkan susu pekat ke dalam lubang sempit uncle.

Uuuuuffffffffffffff...... uncle juga menjerit kesedapan bila mana susu pekatnya juga telah terpancut kelaur dan jatuh ke atas badan aku. Uncle telah memancutkan susu pekatnya tanpa aku menyentuh koneknya. Aku telah memancutkan beberapa pancutan yang banyak ke dalam lubang sempit uncle .

Uncle masih lagi duduk di atas konek aku sambil konek aku berada dalam lubangnya walaupun aku sudah habis memancutkan susu panas. Aku membiarkan saja kerana aku juga rasa syok. Kini konek aku mula terhenjut-henjut untuk mengendur dan ini telah membuatkan susu pekat yang aku pancutkan tadi mula meleleh keluar menerusi konek aku. Aku juga dapati konek uncle juga sudah mula lembik dan mengecil.

Aku bertanya kepada uncle kenapa dia tidak bangun dan mencabutkan konek aku dari lubangnya. Uncle lalu menjawab yang dia suka merasakan perubahan konek aku yang kalau sebentar tadi besar dan panjang sehingga rasa nak terkoyak lubangnya tapi kini konek aku mula lembik dan kecil dan dia suka akan keadaan itu tambahan lagi setelah susu aku terpancut maka uncle rasa licin. Aku hanya membiarkan saja keana aku juga merasa seronok.

Aku lihat konek uncle sudah lembik dan aku memgangnya tetapi uncle menepisnya kerana ia rasa geli. Setelah beberapa ketika uncle telah mencabut konek aku dari lubangnya dan terus mencium aku. Uncle menngatakan pada ku bahawa dia suka dan rasa puas main konek dengan aku. Aku pun mengatakan padanya yang dia boleh main dengan konek aku bila-bila masa yang dia suka. Uncle juga mengatakan kalau aku teringin hendak bermain konek maka uncle bila-bila masa bersedia.

Kami masuk ke bilik air dan mandi bersama-sama sambil aku mencuci badan uncle dan koneknya yang telah kecut itu. Uncle juga berbuat demikian pada aku.

Setelah mencuci dengan air bersih aku telah menjilat konek uncle yang kecut itu dan ku masukkan ke dalam mulut. Aku menghisapnya sehingga konek uncle keras semula dan akhirnya uncle juga telah terpancut dalam mulut aku dan pertama kali aku merasa susu pekat dari seorang lelaki.

Aku merasa sesuatu yang sungguh membahagiakan dan menyeronokan ketika bersama-sama dengan uncle.